Today Pastor Ed Allen continued his sermon series "This Is Us" by talking again about Marriage. He took up where he left off last week, continuing to talk about Keys to a Healthy Marriage.
Key #3 -- Speak the truth in love.
This is from Ephesians 4:14-16, and it applies to all relationships. Telling the truth is a really big deal to God.
Speaking the truth in love builds stability. It's contrasted with being tossed by waves.
Speaking the truth in love complements spiritual growth and unity.
Speaking the truth in love is critical for church relationships, and especially for marriage.
Some hate confrontation and need to be reminded that burying the hurt doesn't make it go away. Others can use the truth like a club and need to be reminded that truth that can't be received doesn't help.
There are two kinds of situations where we need this:
When we've been hurt, disappointed, frustrated:
1) Allow God to show you your real concern.
Anger is a secondary emotion. The distance between feeling and awareness can cause problems. Unrecognized emotion can be at the root of passive-aggression and sarcasm.
Ask the Lord what's going on - Psalm 139.
2) Admit your issue to yourself with grace and vulnerability.
That's the "in love" part. You're in a good place if you're asking what the real issue is.
3) Think FAB:
Focus on your feelings.
Make hurt the substance, not the fuel.
When we have objective criticism.
If not given in love, it can't be received.
Do your PART --
Share Active concerns.
Rehearse the criticism (with a trusted friend).
Set a Time (not heat of the moment).
This is a lot of work. You'll do the work one way or the other! Do it on the front end!
Key #4 - Practice your relational posture.
This one's particular to marriage, from Ephesians 5:21-33
For wives: Submit and respect
1) This requirement is given to wives.
Wives are told to offer submission and respect. This is not the husband's concern. He's not to demand it or take it.
2) Submission, NOT obedience.
We obey God. This is your relational posture. It's about order and function, not about power.
3) Motivation: As to the Lord.
This is a way of honoring the Lord. It's addressing something else altogether than sexism or power.
Respect your husband because that is what he needs.
Men want to know their life matters - that's their point of insecurity.
Men need their wives' respect - that's why God called you to it.
4) Degree of submission: In everything.
The emotional posture needs to be respect. This does not mean the husband's the boss. It looks different in different relationships. This is an attitude.
You're not called to be something you're not.
You're called to offer respect because the man in your life is needy.
For husbands: Love your wives.
1) Standard: As Christ loved the church.
Love is a choice.
2) This means we lay down our lives for our wives.
Authority to serve.
How can you advance her agenda?
Your relational posture: Laying down your life.
Authority is not yours to take. The wife offers that authority. Authority means service and responsibility.
What we're called to do is harder than a grand gesture - we're called to do it in small, daily ways - because that's what your wife needs.
Your wife needs to be loved.
She's designed to be the recipient of your love. Don't let your love grow cold.
3) Goal: To make her holy.
Not to make her happy. This is about her purpose.
You can't do it if you don't have a connection with Christ, so work on that connection first.
When you see stains, wrinkles, or blemishes - those are the reason you're called to the relationship. They get ironed out by love.
Key #5 - Pray together.
Statistics: The biggest impact on a lasting marriage isn't church attendance, religious belief, or religious upbringing. It's praying together.